“The Inner Room: Meeting Myself with Compassion“

Let me take a moment to recap…

After the pain of losing both my biological and adoptive parents…
After my marriage came crashing down…
After enduring unacceptable behaviour from the person who was supposed to be family…
After losing my unborn child through miscarriage…
After being bullied and insulted during the most vulnerable phase of my life…

After all of that—I was shattered.

My soul was broken. My energy was drained. I was overwhelmed; lost in a darkness I couldn’t shake off. At one point, I even tried taking a DISC personality test for work. The result? Undetermined. I was unreadable. My MMPI test revealed a soul in chaos: unstable, severely depressed.

That’s when I finally reached out for professional help. Through the guidance of a psychologist and psychiatrist—both of whom I deeply respect—I was diagnosed with something I had never heard of before: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

At first, it was terrifying to hear. But it also explained so much.

I began taking prescribed medication, which brought a small sense of balance. I also joined a BPD community—where people like me gather to share their journeys. One of the most important lessons I learned came from my psychiatrist. She said something that has stayed with me to this day:

“You are not your emotions. Your emotions are like sushi on a conveyor belt—you can watch them pass. You don’t have to pick everyone up.”

That metaphor changed everything for me.

It was the beginning of emotional regulation—learning how to sit with my feelings without being consumed by them. But I also knew that true healing needed to come from within. I had to meet myself in the silence.

So, I did.

One weekend, I checked myself into a quiet, distant hotel. I turned off the noise, shut the world out, and created space for my soul. Then, I walked myself back through every memory that had shaped me—starting from my childhood, all the way to the present. Every moment that had hurt me. Every event that had scarred me. I faced it all.

And I spoke to myself…

“Lia, whatever you’ve been through… you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You tried. You survived. So now, embrace the past. Accepted it. Acknowledge it. Forgive them. And forgive yourself. I know you were deeply wounded. And I love you.”

That was a turning point.

Piece by piece, I began reclaiming myself. I accepted my past—not as a curse, but as a teacher. I forgave the people who had hurt me. But more importantly, I forgave myself. I took ownership of my healing, and I made peace with what had once broken me.

Every religion, in some way, speaks of the importance of acceptance and forgiveness. And now I understood why. It’s not about forgetting. It’s about being free.

It took several months, but I stabilized. I released the anger. The disappointment. The energy I had carried for far too long. I released it back to the universe.

And finally, I felt peace.
For the first time in a long time, I felt whole.

………………………………

This story is a part of my personal journey. Please do not copy or reproduce any part of it without permission. Sharing is welcome with proper credit and a link to this blog